I Have Confessions To Make

I hope you will indulge me and forgive me while I use this platform to confess some failures in my spiritual life.  

I have had a pretty unsettling few weeks recently.  I pray daily about the issues and know that God has the ability to handle things for me.  But…one thing just led to another, to another, to another.   

First, what I had hoped and prayed was going to be a solution to the biggest issue I am facing with my home, did not seem to fully resolve it.  So I am back to square one on that one; and, I really do not know where to turn next for help. It is potentially a very expensive problem.   I have to confess, I am so discouraged about this one.   

Next was an issue with my electricity provider.  I have spent hours talking to multiple people for a week.  The conversations have been frustrating, to say the least.  Needless to say, this also involves a large amount of money.  I have to confess that I was not very kind to some of the people I spoke with, which later made me feel guilty.  I need to do better.

Then my sweet pet Harley was not feeling well.  I took him to the vet and they were able to do something about one issue.  However, tests revealed that he is developing heart issues and that there is really nothing to be done.  So, after paying over $430 to get that answer I just have to continue to love my little furbaby that depends on me for his care and help him have as good a life as possible.  I confess that this was more news that caused more discouragement.

I feel like a spiritual failure by allowing the enemy to discourage me plus push me to the point that I reacted in an unkind way to others.  It also makes me wonder if there is something that I am doing, or not doing, that is allowing this negativity into my life. 

My Bible study for the past few days has been “interesting”.  The Narrated Bible that I use for my daily reading has some narration (by F. LaGard Smith) to help explain and/or clarify some of the passages.  The headline to Joshua 13 is “Failure to Complete Conquests”.  The Israelites are now in their promised land and the books of Joshua and Judges tell about how tribe after tribe of the Israelites failed to  drive out the inhabitants that were still there, as they had been instructed to do by God.  Ten different passages have the narrated headline “Failure” – those just seemed to stand out to me like a neon light – I thought – that is a LOT of failure.   

In Judges 2:1-5 they were reminded of how God had told them to not make covenants with the people and to break down their pagan altars.  Then they were told that because they had disobeyed, He would no longer help to drive out their enemies and they would be a problem and a snare for them.  This confrontation of facts caused the Israelites to weep and offer sacrifices to God.  (Judges 2:5)  But, as Joshua’s generation all died, the younger generation fell away from God.  In Judges 3 can you read about how they “did evil”, then they would cry out for help and God would send a deliverer and peace would abound for a number of years.  Then the whole process would repeat itself over and over.   

So now here I am and even when you know that you have God on your side, it is difficult when you are retired and on a fixed budget, without a big stash of cash to depend on, and your money outlay seems to be pressing in on you.  Also, when you are a single woman and do not have someone else to depend on to give you moral support, guidance, knowledge, etc. you sometimes just feel like you are floundering around not knowing where to go and what to do.  

So, I guess that I am feeling as though I need to do a deep dive and see if I have somehow failed in an area of my life that is resulting in these problems.  I pray that it is just a time of testing (that right now I do not feel like I am passing) – and that I will remain in faith knowing it will all be fine in the end.

I do not like failing at anything and I especially do not want to fail in staying strong in my faith in the Lord.  I want to put all my trust in Him.  So, as of now, I will claim these verses and expect victory!  

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  (Joshua 1:9 AMP)

“Keep alert. Be firm in your faith. Stay brave and strong.”  (1 Corinthians 16:13 CEV)

“Don’t worry—I am with you.  Don’t be afraid—I am your God.  I will make you strong and help you.  I will support you with my right hand that brings victory.”  (Isaiah 41:10 ERV)     

Written by Karran Martin – March 18, 2023