I don’t believe there’s any way that anyone can live their entire life without suffering some kind of betrayal. In fact, I’ll expand that to say there are likely many betrayals experienced in a lifetime.
Some of them will be more minor in nature – they might not cause you as much pain or grief & you recover from them easily. But others are going to be more major in their impact. The recovery from those will be much more complicated & at times can take a very long time to navigate.
When I was a teenager & still in high school, my Mom used to tell me that I was way too trusting & that one day it was going to cause me problems. She was right. When I was about 19, a very trusted friend – my roommate that was like a sister to me – betrayed me in a way I never would’ve believed. This was a fairly major betrayal & it pretty much destroyed our friendship.
Then, after about 4 years of marriage, my husband cheated on me & it was a devastating betrayal. The emotional pain from that experience took a long time to heal. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there, it continued to happen until after over 31 years of marriage I couldn’t take any more. My self-esteem as a woman had taken a real beating & there was little joy in my countenance. After my divorce, I quickly took steps to begin the healing process & moved forward to a new happier life. But the anger I felt toward him took a much longer time to overcome. To put it fully behind me, it took the Lord speaking plainly to me in my spirit that I was to pray for him & his wife both. I didn’t want to do it & I resisted for a very long time. But when I finally did start praying for them on a daily basis, my heart was healed & the anger left.
Over the years, there have been other betrayals in my life inflicted by people that I thought were my friends. Most of them came about because of their jealousy or insecurity or, if I’m being honest, just being a self-centered miserable person in general. Although they were hurtful experiences, I had learned over time to just recognize that I was better off without those kinds of people in my life. So, I forgave them & moved on.
When we go through those kinds of experiences, it’s easy to question why it’s happening & to complain to God about it. But we aren’t special or unique – betrayal has been in the world since the beginning of time; and, God has suffered much more betrayal than we can ever imagine – every moment of every day. Consider how Adam & Eve (in Genesis) betrayed Him. He had given them some pretty simple directions yet they disobeyed – because they were betrayed by Satan. I also believe that when any of God’s children are betrayed it weighs on His heart as well, because He knows the pain we’re suffering. After all, it’s likely that any betrayal inflicted on us is the result of people ignoring His directions & falling into sinful behavior.
Here are just a few more examples of some pretty major betrayals:
*Consider Moses – at God’s directions, he had gone to Egypt to rescue God’s people from slavery. Yet they repeatedly questioned him, turned their backs on him & committed some outrageous sins against the instructions he’d delivered to them on behalf of God. His own brother & sister even betrayed him!
*David was betrayed by King Saul. He served the King faithfully but Saul eventually turned on him & repeatedly tried to kill him. In the beginning it was for no real reason at all but then over time he became insanely jealous of David & gave chase to him for years, attempting to kill him.
*Uriah the Hittite was betrayed by King David – his commander-in-chief. David slept with Uriah’s wife Bathsheba while he was away at war – impregnated her – then tried to trick Uriah & ultimately ordered his certain death.
*Think about young Joseph & how he was betrayed by his brothers. Yes, he tempted fate by being a bit of a “brat” causing all of his brothers to hold grudges against him. But, their betrayal was pretty drastic. They first tried to kill him then ended up selling him to some traders that happened by & he ended up in Egypt as a slave. He was then betrayed by Potiphar’s wife with a lie. Then he was betrayed by the butler & baker when they were released from jail.
*Paul, who became a major influence in the Christian world, was betrayed many times as well. Some of his supporters would flee in fear when he was imprisoned & at one point in 2 Timothy 1:15a (NIV) he said this: “You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me…”
*And then there was Jesus. He was betrayed by so many. Judas, who had been one of his hand-selected 12 apostles, gave him up for money. Imagine how painful it must have been for Jesus knowing in advance of that horrific betrayal (“After Jesus had said these things, he was deeply troubled and told his disciples, ‘I tell you for certain that one of you will betray me.’” John 13:21 CEV) Peter – another one of the hand-selected 12, when confronted after Jesus’ arrest, betrayed him by denying that he even knew him. Even his own siblings & extended family betrayed him by questioning His authority – they didn’t believe Him for a period of time. And, of course, the consummate betrayal that resulted in His crucifixion – the most horrendous outcome possible of a betrayal! I’m certain Jesus experienced many other betrayals.
Knowledge about whether any betrayal is intentional or not doesn’t necessarily make it easier to contend with. As we suffer through betrayals at the hands of family members, co-workers, friends, Christian brothers & sisters, we are in good company as you can see from the list above. That fact doesn’t make it easier to struggle through the pain & grief – but, there is always hope. We must remember that we ourselves most assuredly have betrayed others during our lifetime as well – so we are far from faultless. “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” (Romans 3:23 NLT)
Learning to forgive those that have betrayed us will be a healing process, a cleansing for us. Actually, learning to forgive betrayals is critical. Jesus’ teaching said this: “‘For if you forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses.’” (Matthew 6:14-15 AMP)
As difficult as dealing with betrayal can be, we need to understand that we are not alone & there are always lessons to be learned. Forgiving the betrayer is critical to our own well-being. Paul speaking said this: “‘Banish bitterness, rage and anger, shouting and slander, and any and all malicious thoughts—these are poison. Instead, be kind and compassionate. Graciously forgive one another just as God has forgiven you through the Anointed, our Liberating King.’” Ephesians 4:31-32 VOICE
Never forget that forgiveness isn’t for the other person (the betrayer) – because our unforgiveness doesn’t usually hurt them at all – they could likely care less. But forgiveness is for our own peace & healing.
Jesus speaking said: “‘Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it’s personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,’ forgive him.’” Luke 17:3-4 MSG
God Himself speaking to Isaiah said: “‘But I, yes I, am the one who takes care of your sins—that’s what I do. I don’t keep a list of your sins.’” (Isaiah 43:25 MSG) If the Almighty God doesn’t keep a list of our many sins, what makes us think we should keep a list of sins that are committed against us? Forgiveness is the key to dealing with betrayal.
Written by Karran Martin – October 19, 2024
[All bold emphasis is mine]
Karran's Korner 