Rejection

I don’t believe that any one of us can escape this world without experiencing the feeling of rejection.  It’s a very unpleasant experience, to say the least.  I also realize it’s not a very uplifting topic for discussion. So why did I choose to write about it this week?  Because I’ve been dealing with some feelings of rejection for several years that I’ve tried to ignore; but, recently they’ve been haunting me, until this past week I kind of crashed and burned emotionally.  So here I am, baring my soul.    

I believe that sometimes rejection is self-inflicted.  We get our feelings out there on our shoulder and if someone dares to knock it off – purposefully or by accident – we take affront to it.  I’ve been there, done that.  

Rejection is painful enough if it’s as a result of something said or done by a stranger, but much more so from a friend.  

Strangers can inflict it on us with insensitive, or downright insulting words or actions.  We should just be able to let those roll off and move on, but sometimes that is easier said than done.  For example, I am someone that’s had a lifetime of dealing with weight issues – being teased a lot as a child and then as an adult having others making comments trying to “encourage” me to lose the weight.  (Hint, that’s not helpful.  Maybe someone reading this needs to know that if they have someone in their life that they try to  “encourage” for this or some other issue, you’re likely doing more harm than good.)  Consequently, I can be overly sensitive to weight comments from anyone – stranger or not.

Over the years I have more than once had the feeling of being rejected by friends.  Looking back at some of them I have to wonder how much of a “friend” they really were – but I guess at this point it’s not important.  In more recent years I had one long-time friend reject me because of a perceived comment she thought I had said and then reneged on – I didn’t.  She had others tell her she was incorrect but she wouldn’t listen to them.  I tried two or three times to reach out to her only to be ignored.  At that point I took those feelings of rejection and put them out of my mind.  Another more recent friend that had been in my life for only a couple of years got offended and rejected me – quite honestly out of her own self-centeredness and selfish desires – including making insulting remarks to me when I attempted to reach out to her.  I quickly determined any grief I felt over it was not worth it, and moved on.     

But, rejection from those we love most – our family – can be much more devastating and difficult to put aside.  I was married for over 31 years to a man that was repeatedly unfaithful, and believe me, I don’t know if a greater feeling of rejection can be felt (maybe if a child feels rejected by a parent, or vice-versa, then those feelings may rival those of an unfaithful spouse.)  I left that relationship with a lot of issues that had to be worked through.

I have a close family member that for the past few years, for reasons unknown to me, has chosen to distance himself from me.  No texts, no phone calls, no emails, no snail mail, no visits, no contact on social media – nothing.  The last time that I did see him – at least 2 years ago – I tried to get some kind of answer about what is going on, but he revealed nothing.  Lately, I’ve been strongly feeling the need to reach out to him and try to find out what has happened.  We had been very close and to be rejected like this is painful enough to cause many tears during my prayer time as I pray for him.  I very much want and need him in my life, so this is an issue that’s got to be addressed.  I just hope it doesn’t result in additional rejection.

I have a grandson that we didn’t even know existed until he was about 3½ yrs old.  Over the years, I have been with him no more than 6 times and he turned 18 last December.  I did my best to try to stay in touch with him by mail (he lives in another state) so that he would at least see my name on a regular basis and know I was thinking of him.  But he too has chosen to distance himself from me and not be a part of my life.  This rejection makes my heart very sad.  However, more than for myself, I grieve over the fact that he also has rejected his father (my son) and having to witness the pain he is experiencing over the rejection is painful.  Recent communication from my grandson’s mother to my son as well as communication from my grandson to me pushed me over the edge this week.  I’ve pretty much been an emotional mess – very grieved and discouraged.

I’ve asked God to help me through this – to show me what I need to do to move past the hurts.  This morning He reminded me of the rejection the early Christians experienced as followers of Him.  The rejection was so severe that they were jailed, received beatings and even death.  Then He reminded me of the rejection His precious son Jesus had to face.  The persecution and rejection that He endured, ending in the worst method of death imaginable, makes what I’m facing seem like nothing, in comparison – all because He loved us so much that He was willing to endure for our salvation.

Long before Jesus was ever born there was a prophecy about him:  “He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.  We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.  He was despised, and we did not care.”  (Isaiah 53:3 NLT)  Then we can read repeatedly in the New Testament of the fulfillment of that prophecy, for example:  “He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.”  (John 1:11 NLT)

Then I found this scripture that is full of encouragement:  “Pray to the Lord, and he will hear you.  He will save you from all your troubles.  The Lord is close to those who have suffered disappointment.  He saves those who are discouraged.  Good people might have many problems, but the Lord will take them all away.”  (Psalm 34:17-19 ERV)

I hope that you will forgive me for airing my dirty laundry in such a public way.  I hesitated to do this for a while, but just felt like I needed to forge ahead with it.  What I’ve found in the past when I’ve done something similar, there is usually someone that will read it that needs to hear what I had to say.  If that is you, let’s take heart that the encouragement in Psalm 34:17-19 will flood over us and give us peace.

Written by Karran Martin – May 26, 2023