Takers

I’m going to venture a guess here and say that everyone reading this has had at least one taker in their life at some point in time – maybe it was a friend or maybe a family member.  How that affected you, likely depended on how long it took you to recognize it and how you handled it – if you ever have.  

I was married to a taker for over 31 years.  I didn’t recognize it for what it was for a very long time.  He came across as a laid back, easy going person to everyone.  He was handsome, educated, very personable, friendly and well liked.  He didn’t like to make any big decisions.  I realized too late that was because if the results didn’t go well, he wouldn’t have to take the blame.  

To outsiders it may have appeared that I was the one that wore the pants in the family – maybe even that he was “hen-pecked”.  If I’m going to be 100% transparent, maybe that was true.  While he tended to be more of a follower by personality, I have always tended to be more of a leader.  But I never railroaded him because of those personality differences – especially after we became more dedicated in our walk with God, and learned more about the roles we should each play in our marriage.  I did my best to show him the respect as I was called to do:  “…and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”  (Eph. 5:33b ESV)  

Many years into our marriage, our church had a day-long seminar for women led by a professional counselor.  One thing she happened to bring up was how living with a taker is draining.  She likened it to continually writing checks on a checking account without ever making any deposits – at some point that account is empty and overdrawn.  Takers tend to just take and take emotionally until you’re left empty with nothing left to give – your emotional account is overdrawn.  

My personal belief is that takers are self-centered and selfish.  Rather than considering the needs of those they love and respecting them as they should, they just want their needs met, no matter what the cost.  

As I wrote those comments just above, I decided to do a search about this very topic and the AI response confirmed it with those exact words – self-centered and selfish.  In short, some other things it said about takers:  they prioritize their own goals and interests / they take more than they give / they have a sense of entitlement / they may help others if it benefits them / and this one seems to describe my ex-husband exactly “Some, described as ‘friendly takers,’ can appear nice on the surface but are selfish at their core.”  

This man that I lived with for over 31 years was a habitual cheater – starting after about 4-5 years of marriage.  Each time when confronted with his unfaithfulness he swore he still loved me and that it would never happen again – but, it did.  When you take your marriage vows seriously, as I did, #1 –  I wanted to believe him and #2 – I didn’t want to suffer the humiliation as a Christian going through a divorce.  So I stayed.  But there came a time I was so beaten down emotionally – so drained – I could no longer endure that existence.  

I want to make some things clear at this point.  I would never want anyone to think that I believe I was totally innocent in the failure of our marriage.  I’m not perfect, I didn’t do everything right.  And, it did eventually get to the point that I could no longer fulfill all that the Word says I should’ve done.  That verse that I quoted up above from Ephesians, when read in the Amplified version, expresses a much deeper way a wife is to respond to her husband – “..the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].”  That, in my defeated, drained state of mind just was no longer possible for me.  Believe me, I prayed about it – I prayed long and hard.  But, I finally came to the realization that he didn’t want to change – which meant he would not change – and I wasn’t willing to take the beat-down any longer, so ended the marriage.  I’ve never regretted walking away from a taker.

Okay, you’re probably curious as to why I would write such an article as this one at all.  It’s because a couple of days ago this very topic was in the forefront of my Bible reading.  There was mention of the passage from 1 Samuel 8:10-18.  The people were demanding that Samuel give them a king to lead them.  Samuel tried to warn them against it.  If you’ll read that passage in the ESV you’ll see that he says the word “take” six times and alludes to it one other time in that passage.  He tried to warn them that a king would be a taker – a taker of things they cherished and things they needed for their existence.  But, they chose not to listen to Samuel’s reasoning.

Then the story moved to David told in 2 Samuel 11.  David exhibited some of the exact traits I listed above – he was self-centered and selfish; he prioritized his own goals and interests; he had a sense of entitlement.  Our hero – David – was a taker.  He took Bathsheba –  knowing she was another man’s wife.  He took the life of her husband to try to cover his own sin.  Then later, he even took offense when presented with a story that was a shadow of his sinfulness.

You know the story – after Bathsheba’s husband is killed, David took her as his wife and the child they had conceived died.  When the child became ill, David grieved and begged God to save him and when the child died Bathsheba naturally grieved.  David’s selfish “taker attitude” had caused a lot of harm.  My study Bible pointed out “‘Takers’ cause great harm to others and, ultimately to themselves.” **

So….is there hope for those that exist as a taker?  If they want to repent and truly change?  Yes there is.  And we have proof of that in this same story of David in 2 Samuel 12.  David is confronted by Nathan the prophet and he was rebuked for his sins; and learns what the consequences will be.  To his credit, unlike what many takers do, David didn’t make excuses, make promises he would not keep – he confessed.  “David (confessing to Nathan): ‘I have sinned against the Eternal One.’  Nathan: ‘Because the Eternal has put away your sin, it will not be your death. But because you scorned the Lord by these acts, giving His enemies reason to mock Him, the child you conceived in deceit will die.’”  (2 Samuel 12:13-14 VOICE)  (You can read more about David’s heart-wrenching realization in his words in Psalm 51.)

That passage seems to indicate that the selfish “taker attitude” can also cause harm to God and His standing in the eyes of unbelievers.  God has no tolerance for it – He’ll forgive your honest, true repentance, but there won’t be an escape from the consequences.

The bottom line for me seems to be this:  First, if you examine yourself and find yourself to be a taker, then you need to do some serious soul-searching and you need to seek God’s help in changing, before it’s too late.  Second, if you are in a relationship of any kind with someone that is a taker, you need to confront it.  That may mean a discussion with that person with ultimatums for a serious change; or, it may ultimately require a complete separation from the relationship.  These are not necessarily easy actions but they can be life-changing – maybe even life-saving decisions.  Don’t be a taker and do not let a taker hamper or destroy your life.

There is hope, whether you have been wounded by a taker or whether you have been captive to the spirit of a taker that’s wounded others:  

“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound.”  (Psalm 61:1b NJKV)

“The Lord is near to the heartbroken And He saves those who are crushed in spirit (contrite in heart, truly sorry for their sin).”  (Psalm 34:18 AMP)  

Written by Karran Martin – April 30, 2026 

**The One Year Chronological Study Bible – Tyndale – Day 116 reading